Dear Me

Dear Jules

Today you are 25. I am 55. That was 30 years ago in my current sense of self. You are me. I am you.

I have a way of remembering you that you might not recognise as who you are now. But who you are now has a way of remembering who you were when you were 15 that our 15 year old self wouldn’t recognise!

I barely dare talk to you because I don’t want to cause you fear. Let me say that I am immensely proud of what you are capable of and the path that lies ahead of you. I actually like who you have become.

The good news is that you DO break through that glass ceiling. You are on track. You need to go through what you go through to get where you get to!

I have been asked to tell you the story of our life, how the world has affected us and how we have affected the world. This is an exercise to benefit me, but I really want to save you from anxiety, so there are facts I am not going to give you. It won’t help you to know. How condescending! What I do say I recommend you assign to your subconscious and treat it like a dream.

The story of this life is to reach to enlightenment. You don’t have the ears of understanding yet but you WILL get them. You are on the right trajectory.

What we have in common is a thirst for Truth, and a consistent faith in Jesus. He is such an amazing friend and brother. He is very much keeping a close eye on You! You are going to get a lot more at ease with Him and relaxed about Him in a very familiar way. You have an interest in psychology and psychotherapeutic stuff, that’s helpful. You occasionally wonder about Buddhism. Well that’s not your path. It’s a fabulous route for lots of people, it’s a shedload better than Christianity, but it’s still not for you. You’re never gonna fancy getting up at 5 am.! There is a shorter route that will show up soon. In fact, what is it, 1990? Oh yeah. I think you’ve already encountered the path you’re going to take but it’s currently on the mental shelf. Zita is currently taking some interesting route.

Get on with the relationship with John. That is an important step for you. You will know that you are orbiting that soul like a younger brother as a sister. Over the next few years you will go through much. You will really benefit from university, it will help you build confidence and reflect some very loving relationships. I’m so glad you enjoy the Urban Policy course. – And yes, Yvonne, John and Marion are good friends. Appreciate them.

You are going to move. You will move step by step. It will get better and better but there’s not going to be any rush. You get to savour all of the steps.

You are going to have an increasingly loving relationship with Pa and Ma. They are going to be there for you for a long time.

You are going to find healing with all your family… just let it unfold. They are going to learn much because of the part you play in that whole soul group. They are going to develop great respect for you in time. You might think you’re the youngest, but you will come to see that differently as you mature.

You are right about Catholicism. It will have to go! It’s actually a load of bollocks and although you will have to look at it, you can let it fall away. The healing will come later.

You have had past lives. Yes, you already suspect that, well you are going to find out a lot more about that and it will be wonderfully interesting and helpful. Yes, the persecution isn’t just a hunch. You are truly very intuitive. You can settle into trusting that. It’s only going to get deeper!

You already know that you are a wise sage. Well, girl once you’ve got through a bunch of INTENSE relationship stuff you are going to rock it. You ain’t seen anything yet!!! And when you get to 55 you will be only just hitting your prime.

If I were to give you a clue I’d say that John isn’t the forever guy. Marrying him is definitely worthwhile. You have to really feel into the religious stuff and heal and transform the relationship you have and have had with religion. It’s been a mixed blessing. Babies and bathwater come to mind!

You were 100% right to trust that Jesus (who you now fondly refer to as J) is your path. He actually knows exactly how it all works and he has your back! Don’t worry about the whole God concept; you really don’t need to give it a second’s notice right now. Feel free to jack the whole church thing whenever you fancy. I recommend the Quakers. (smile) They are good Friends!

Where I am now, I have just been through an amazing decade of hugely interesting and enjoyable inner exploration. I have some amazingly good friends. I have found such a mind-goggling source of information – no mystery – just hidden truths. It will bake your noodle! It will make so much sense. You will find it so much fun. You will sparkle!!

Now there are going to be some intense times. You are going to face some astonishing challenges, but frankly when the going gets tough you are going to SHINE.

You are going to use astrology, on and off, until you can really use it to understand who you are as a whole life. It’s not going to be the be-all and end-all though.

You are going to learn.

As a whole life, I have found that for you Juliet it is going to get better as you get older. I’m not just saying that. As I look back to our childhood and youth I can see that you are in a better place now, and that as you go through the relationships that are ahead, you will grow into greater confidence and balance and peace.

You will find work with ‘friends’ and you will eventually see that most of your work will come through the people you know, or the desire you have. If you find yourself worrying about lack – you can tell yourself - you needn’t have worried.

You aren’t going to stay in England…. You are going to realise that you can live in a part of the world that you love, you are going to work out that you can choose the kind of work that you like and get paid for it. You will feel very smug about working that one out!! The work you choose is going to feedback to you that you are admired and liked and trusted and capable.

You are going to find out, but not for quite a while yet, that you are highly intelligent!!! You are going to step into a whole ‘nother level of thinking. God, you’re going to be such a smartarse. Like me!

There are going to be some fabulous movies.

You’re going to find your feet and use them. I have done some of your bucket list.

You’re going to have some amazingly loving and open-hearted connections. You’re going to have a fabulous sex life. Just wait and see. Learn to risk emotional intimacy. A million kisses won’t seem enough!

Keep swearing! I love how profane you are. Lalochezia suit you. You are going to find love. You are going to grow into your identity. It’s going to take time. Transformation will come and then, when you’re me, you’re going to be ready to embody it.

You are going to set yourself up with a situation that pushes you through the eye of the needle. It will blow your mind. Because of the parameters, you will be able to focus and immerse yourself and become thoroughly conversant with an incredible thought system. You are going to rise beyond the ordinary.

You are destined to achieve. You will become a force for transformation. And you will make light of it. It won’t seem a big deal. Don’t make an effort. Just trust. You couldn’t fuck it up if you tried.

I am ready to take another step now. I am gearing up for another leap of trust. I am trained. I am flexible. I am willing and I understand. The gift that you seek now, amongst all the worldly goals, is a complete and logical explanation. You’re going to find it.

Here in 2020, we join, you will be me. And we are now on a trajectory, thank you Jules for your part, to joy. We are headed straight for such immeasurable bliss and light-heartedness you can’t even imagine. You will become such a Lipizzaner! That’s training for you.

So keep waking up every day, enjoy the gardening and the sunshine and the moonlight. Tell George and Helen how much you love them. Around every corner there is going to be so many things to find out, to pay attention to, to delve into. Be brave. Be curious.

You are such a sweet creature, with all those weird and wacky lunar lovebird rollercoaster emotions. Strive to be happy, and be gentle with yourself, beloved. You are on track. I love you.

(and yes, ‘Illusions’ is still one of my favourite books.)

Spoiler alert: you will actually get around to reading The Simarillion too!
It’s quite good. I reckon you’ll enjoy it.

Give Mr Scraggs an enormous cuddle from me and kiss him on the nose.